You said, kyteach, that he just "finished" his step work two weeks ago (btw, it's never finished -- each step, as taken, becomes part of daily recovery for someone who desires real and lasting change). It's difficult to quantify recovery, and thinking in terms of the years he's been clean is misleading because of this.
That it took him four years to take all 12 steps says, to me, that he's still very green as far as recovery goes. I know people who've taken a lot longer and ones who've gone through all the steps (the first time through, anyway) in a matter of just a couple of months. It took me eight months, working every week with my sponsor. The steps are in order for a reason, and someone still on 3 can't effectively jump ahead to 11 as the mood suits them. So...if he's committed, and if he was rigorously honest in step four and worked 8 & 9 with his whole heart, he's on the road to some real changes. He might not seem like the same person a year from now.
Not that that does you any good. That's all things he has to decide and do. I do agree that his recovery must come first if he's any kind of addict like I am. I also believe that the program I use in my daily life requires that I not force my views/beliefs/way of life on anyone else -- not that you said he has, though using his program as a way of creating chaos and interest is something I'd hope he'll outgrow. I'm sure that sounds judgmental, and it is a generalization that has come from working with women (and knowing myself), the addiction to chaos and wanting something always to be going on. It may or may not apply to him, and only he can make that determination, if he's at the point where he can be rigorously honest with himself (something really helped along by the 11th step).
I'm not sure if the link is permitted here, but if you google, "Rabbi Abraham Twerski, AA, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette," you'll find an article that I found to be very helpful. Rabbi Twerski has practiced the twelve steps for a good number of years without having any addictions issues himself -- none that would qualify him for membership based upon accepted criteria, anyway.
Don't ever think you're not deserving of time, kyteach. We all need time from other human beings to learn how to be better human beings.
Peace & Love,
Sugah