First of all, it sounds like he's very sincere in his recovery, and he acknowledged and apologized for his behavior in regards to the fight. That's good maturity in the program.
Secondly, I have been on both sides of the fence, as a recovering addict/alcoholic and the loved one of an addict/alcoholic (ex-husband and my 30 year old daughter).
Is there Naranon in your area? Even though he's a clean addict, it could definitely help you to find your own program, so to speak of. I apply the 12 steps to all areas of my life, including parenting, relationships, and employment. They teach me a better way to handle things.
Is it possible to have a relationship with an addict in recovery if you're not one? Yes
As far as the triangle with you, him, and NA, recovery has to be first and foremost on an addict's list or he/she is doomed to relapse eventually.
It's
not a competition between you and NA. Again, Naranon could be a good source of support for you