Originally Posted by
xXBacktoBlackXx 
Thanks Kasey. I just don't wanna leave this room because there is too much going on outside of it. There's so much noise. I am thinking of just going to my room and laying down but I won't be able to sleep cause I am on this. My mind is racing.
Trust me I know how that feels. If you give it all some distance you will be what I call stoked (stupid word I know) to go out. Drugs and alcohol will always be around but there are things out there to do besides them. I know that every time I retreat into this cave of an apartment I miss a beautiful day, waves, sun, even friends. I then just sit there and wonder what the hell I was thinking. I do that until the substance wears off and then I want more
. How boring is that?
I think the question I ask myself is, "what do I want from this substance?" It started out as fun and now it's boring. This thought doesn't stop the desire for abuse though, which is such a weird paradox.
Keep posting...be you strong or weak in will, most of all, don't be scared. You'll find the road you need, if you only look. As in all things that we hold most dear (relationships, work, even drugs/alcohol) it takes time to come to fruition. It took me years to get hooked and believe me I tried hard to get to hooked, to the point where it shut me down. I know now that it will take years to change as well and find some type freedom.
I am still lost myself, so if you have the map let me know.