justanothrdrunk

I was thinking of this the other day... wondering ya'lls thoughts.

My second time in treatment, I was relatively sober upon arriving. I was drunk the day before, but nothing to drink for some 8-10 hours. One of the nurses told me that it can often be easier on the alcoholic to come in loaded to the gills. I don't know why or in what context she said this, just something I happened to remember.

So then fast forward to July 2007. I'm heading to treatment (again) and I remember what this nurse told me 3 years ago. So I have my big last hurrah (under medical advice was my logic).

So here I am now, nearly 7 months sober and I'm cruising. Lots of my friends that I was with in treatment (for 5 months) have relapsed since getting out. Hardly anyone else had the big last hurrah that I did. There are only 2 others that I know of, and they haven't relapsed.

Off the top of my head, of about 25, 10 have relapsed (no last hurrah) and 6 are still sober (3 of us had the last big bender), and I'm not in close contact with the remainder.

This got me thinking. Am I more mentally prepared for long term sobriety because I had sort of prepared myself for this? I knew my using was coming to an end and I made an effort to give this chapter of my life some closure the best way I knew how. I decided that was going to be my last bender and I had myself a little party.

Are some more prone to relapse because they didn't have this closure?

Of course I'm not suggesting that it's a good idea for anyone to go on a big bender for any reason. Benders kill people and I'm lucky I didn't suffer any consequences. I tried to consume as much alcohol as I possibly could. That's not safe under any circumstances, and frankly, it's plain dumb.

Any thoughts on this?