Hi 12
First of all, sadness and emotional pain are normal. And the expression of sadness can also be extremely healthy. Yes, healthy. M. Scott Peck wrote in his book, The Road Less Traveled, that the tendency to avoid problems and emotional pain is the primary basis for all human mental illness.
Don't be so hard on yourself because what you have been through was difficult.
I still hurt from my experience however I am doing great now and I am here to let you know, "THIS TO SHALL PASS".
It takes time. Love yourself and take it one day at a time. I know it can be frustrating but nothing happens over night you know.
Believe in yourself and know that you are loveable and special. It truly does start with you. Be strong.
Blessing and Huggs!!