Trish glad you are alive to try again, as you said, staying clean needs to be numero UNO!!!! That needs to come ahead of your grams and a job.
In my area we have a shortage of NA meetings, guess what folks in NA do when there is not an NA meetinig? They go to an AA meeting!!!!
The addicts may not be able to fully relate to us drunks, and us drunks may not be able to fully relate to you addicts, but when it comes to the solution we stand on common ground and we love each other and we help each other!!!
I assume you do not have a sponsor, get one, get phone numbers and CALL them, BEFORE you use, the second you even feel the slightest urge to use call someone in the program. Get AA numbers as well, us drunks can help in a pinch, we know what it is like to have a substance kick our ass!!!!
Trish you are loved and you are not alone, get your priorities straight.