Hi 12 StepGirl,
You hang in there!! These feelings will not last forever. Keep working your program and coming back here for encouragement.
Remember to take baby steps....one day at a time! I find myself watching other couples and wondering what it would be like too. I have been married 26 years to my husband who is a alcoholic. When I start to dream about what could be I just remember how blessed I am to have what I do. Take care!
hugs and prayers,
matters