I sure did do that. Didnt I?
What now? Now I think I really need to step up my recovery game and quit thinking I can do it without an active program. Coming here and going on what very little I have learned in my short stays in rehabs isnt going to cut it.
I feel like asking my job for Fridays off to make sure I can get to the only NA meeting they have by me is not justifiable. I wouldnt tell them why I needed it off. But I feel like my job comes first. Or feeling like asking someone in my family to drive me to the meeting every week is too much. It is pure BS.
I am getting it slowly but surely that my recovery is priority number 1 over everything right now. Even my grams. How will I ever get what I need to have a long lasting recovery if I just keep letting it slide down from that number one spot?
I know what I need to do. I know what I should have done Friday.
I wanted to get high. I didnt more than I did until that day. Then all I could think about was getting high.
As usual I am looking back and feeling like a real idiot.
Imagine how those kids faces would have looked like when they came home to guitar hero. How my grams would have been so proud that I did it. How proud I would have been.
Ok..Now I am crying again.
My head is pounding from all the crying. My eyes are burning from it too.
Bottom line. I need to work a better program.
Edit..Just reread that part about the job coming first. Didnt come before the drugs now did it?