Hugs to you (((((((((Barbara52)))))))))))
We detach and move in a new direction toward our own recovery. But some days we still have residual sadness; It is painful for us to see our loved one suffer. There's not much sadder than watching someone self-destruct.
I'm sure you mourn the loss of the man he once was and the marriage you thought you'd have. You have a lot of memories with him.
You sound fantastic, given your situation. You are making the best out of the one life you have. You are moving in a direction that can be wonderful.
Having a bad credit score is better than having a bad life.