Shay and others
I'm very new to the forum but not new to the disease or the program of AA.
This is my advice.....
I was absolutely unable to get sober without attending meetings and getting a SPONSOR! Looking back I believe I was unable to work the first step, "admit I was powerless over alcohol" until I got a sponsor. Getting a sponsor was really my first admission of powerlessness, until that point I could say it but I didn't really believe it, I was trying to learn how to have power over alcohol and drugs...doing "it" by myself. REACH OUT FOR HELP is the first length in a long list of "going to any length" to get and stay sober.
One great benefit to getting a sponsor...in my opinion, you begin to be part of the solution, you've begun service work. Sponsors serious about their program benefit from working with others in a sponsorship capacity. Without knowing it I began to help people and that helped immensely.
I found my bottom, it's a combination of reasons I don't want to drink or drug anymore. Find your bottom. Live there. I'm an alcoholic, my disease constantly reminds me of the ease and comfort that comes from the first drink, that's my obsession. My job is to seperate myself from my disease, to remember all the reasons I don't want to drink. Early in sobriety, remembering these things was my best quick defense, followed by the tools I gained at meetings, calling someone, praying, read the BB or other literature, GO TO A MEETING, start doing what sober people do.
Various times in my life I've had lengths of sobriety from months to years. I remember being defenseless against the thought of drinking, drinking was my solution long after it quit working. I had only myself to fight off the obsession and it was always frightening and I always assumed I was an utter failure. Now the occasional thought of drinking brings no fear. I've come to understand that thinking about drinking doesn't make me a failure, it makes me an alcoholic, and with the help of others I learn how to not drink. Two and a half years into my sobriety I realize that that thought is not me, it's my disease. It's my enemy that I can only fight if I know where it is.
Odd now, but when that thought comes to me today I can recognize it and say "there you are you SOB", I feel you, I hear you, I sense you and I can go find help. HELP, which is what I need most because I'm sick!!
There is a Ninth Step promise "will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it", that promise will come true, that's why it is a promise. When it does you will see your disease and be able to defend yourself against it.
If you want to get and stay sober....GO TO MEETINGS, don't drink, GET PHONE NUMBERS, don't drink, USE THE NUMBERS, don't drink, GET A SPONSOR, don't drink, READ THE BIG BOOK, don't drink, PRAY..EVEN IF YOU DON'T THINK IT WILL WORK, don't drink..
God's Peace