I am really not sure I agree with that. I understand the theory, but I try really hard to be a good person everyday- for me, for myy kids, and for everyone around me. Him smoking pot, using drugs, drinking to the point of blackouts and spending money we don't have aren't things I am willing to take responsibility for when all I'm doing is taking care of the kids at home and making dinner after work. I think to agree 100% with the above advice is to virtually give up the right to be angry with my A's actions. Sure, he's doing those things because of some deeper seeded problems, problems that were there before we met. But I believe he gives my anger no validation, and that's what makes me more angry. Taking responsibility for my part- I had no part in his drive to forget reality. I only pick up the pieces and salvage the "relationship" we have left...