Day 7
One thing that has helped me to go through this the second time is to understand what is dominating my thought patterns. I work alone and am alone a lot - however, like last night I think... man it sure would be great if I just... but wait, my next door neighbor didn't drink tonight, neither did his wife. My wife hasn't had a drink since the new years party (and I didn't drink at all that night as I was designated driver),
why do I need one? Should I? Well if THEY can do without the meds/booze, then surely I MUST be able to because they do it without even thinking about it.
And here I am thinking about it. This is kinda dumb... Am I obsessing on getting a buzz? Let me rethink what happens. I get my buzz, in a few hours it'll be 3 AM and it'll be over with. I'll have to get up 4 hours later with a headache, and I'll feel like crap. Then I'll spend the next 8 hours waiting for my body to get back to normal again. Ugh. Why do I want to wait until 3-4 pm tomorrow to feel normal again when I can get a lot of decent work done, not to mention get up and actually comprehend the stuff that's posted on SR - without the headache.
Ok, I'm convinced this buzz thing is not such a good idea. What now. 2 episodes of MASH come on at 11 (which I've always loved the reruns), so I down some melatonin (for what little good it does), lay down in bed and relax - my backup plan is if I can't sleep I've got a new Vince Flynn book that I started earlier today I can get into quickly... Plan works without the backup. I wake up this morning with a minor sinus headache but one hot shower and an advil later it's gone. Now it's 9:37 AM and I've already gotten an hour+ of comprehensive work done and I feel like a normal human being.
I'm happy. Now about tonight - I think that if I can just re-run these same thoughts again without fail - I will succeed another day without having to get a buzz on.
So far, so good. I just need to keep my thoughts focused on two things:
1. Nobody else that I know, obsesses about drinking - or just 'has to have one'.
2. So that must mean, if I need one, it is dominating my thoughts - not so with others that I know.
3. I guess my chemical need is gone for now. It just makes sense to me that 'having a drink' is a thought process that needs to be eliminated or pushed aside, with something productive or lazy to substitute for those thoughts.
4. There's still that six pack of 16oz ice brews sitting in the bag in the back of the suv. Why do I keep it there? As a backup? No, actually it's taken on a new life as a reminder - that if I open just ONE of them, then all SIX will be gone within two hours or so - and there will be hell to pay. My stash of crushed empties is still here - I haven't cleaned them out yet. Don't want to. I drank all THAT? I must have been crazy!
If I got rid of the six pack, there's a worse problem that lurks 400 yards away - the convenience store has those 24oz 8% singles I can pick up for 1.29. And that was my devil for the last 2 years.
Yeah - I only drank two beers a night. BIG 8% ONES.
The six pack in the SUV I do not fear. It's those cheap singles I may go look at if the six pack were not there. This is a strange kludge - Since I've got that nasty six to remind me, I have no need to buy a single - or even think about it.
This hasn't been so much hell for me as it seems for others, but trying to create a sense of mind that give me a decent workable thought pattern - an excuse NOT to drink - is so much easier than fighting it with nothing.
That's it for day 7. Onward we go.