Thanks for a really interesting post Krissy. I agree, there are different kinds of alcoholics: there are as many types as alcoholics, because each alcoholic is unique.
Having said that, in my case I've been able to trace a fairly linear causation. A series of events in my late teens caused me to turn to alcohol *after* I'd tried several ways of coping. I've always kept a journal, and a few nights ago I was going through some of my entries from those times. I was shocked to find that, after the initial trauma, I had actively turned to "God" in hopes of healing; what was even more shocking was to read that I had actually begun healing and living "in the flow", and that alcohol was not an issue at all. I had completely forgotten about that period of my life. Some time later a new series of blows just devastated me, and I was sad to read my own account of turning to alcohol for comfort. And I barely managed to keep afloat for a decade, doused in ethanol.
Now that I'm trying to get my life back together, in sobriety, I've discovered that the initial "reasons" for drinking are long gone, and that I kept drinking out of habit, turning to alcohol every time I tripped over pebbles that pale in comparison to the initial rocks. However, the pain is still there, and I'm starting to accept the fact that it'll probably take time for me to go back where I left off. To me, alcoholism was basically the result of living a god-less life. I am not religious by any stretch, nor do I have a clue of what god even means. But I do know something: a decade ago, something greater than me was helping me heal my wounds, and my mistake was letting go of that power when I should have held on tighter, with complete faith.
The good news is that I *know* it's still there, waiting for me. So I turn to sobriety now, relieved to know that alcoholism for me is a symptom, not the disease itself. I know many will probably disagree with that last statement, but that's the way I feel.
Just my take
Matt
