NoelleR, I'm sure I wasn't choosing my words carefully enough in my first post in trying to sum up my situation without writing the equivalent of a novel, but no, I didn't mean for the phrase "boiled down to" to equate "cause". And again, I'm sure I didn't speak carefully enough, but rather than my problems, I meant to refer to our problems, because the problems in the relationship with my husband are shared, and there are plenty enough that we can each own our part. Yes, my reaction to his drinking and isolation is my choice, though I doubt any of us truly "choose" to fall into depression, and I'm working in therapy to fix myself, not him.
And to answer you anvilhead, I don't necessarily think his response would be any different when I talk to him, but it's been a long long time since I've tried to talk to him about spending more time with me, because quite frankly I quit wanting to. I guess I meant that I need to bite the bullet and talk to him about the drinking problem of the equation, which I haven't done in a very long time, as this is kind of a new discovery through therapy for me, something I had probably been denying for a long time. I don't have a lot of hope for us having a happy ending on this, but I feel like it's only fair to him to let him know that this is becoming a dealbreaker for me.
Thanks again for the advice all, and the warm welcome Growing!