My husband and I go through times like this, Obsessed. But we have talked and though it is HARD, we have tried to give gifts without strings.
If I have an outcome in mind, then I cannot give. Even if the outcome might be considered "normal"... because my kids are not normal, they are addicts. So if I cannot give without an expectation of a thank you, a reimbursement, or gratitude... then I must refuse to give that particular gift.
Since I was trying so hard to demonstrate this for Mr. Big at one point, I got much better at it than I might have otherwise.
Today, I can tell right away if I have an expectation... and I know that today's expectations are tomorrow's resentments. If I don't want the resentment, I have to either give up the expectation... or not do the giving.
(((loving hugs))))