I'm Not Ready!!
I haven't posted lately, but I am creeping around....found the need to vent of sorts today.
My xab is currently residing in the local mental hospital. He's been in there for 4 months off and on, the off being taking off to smoke his face off with crack. Just before xmas he took off, and i finally broke up with him after 6 months of crackhell. Of course we're still friends, and i visit him frequently. And rant time. I HATE how people can abuse health care here in alberta. Prior to going to the hospital he was living in a really awesome basement suite that was an amazing deal. Of course he lost it when he got suicidal from the drugs and his mom and I shipped him off to the crazy house. What irks me is that during those 4 months, he had 8 crack binges, and the hospital took him back each and every time. I hate how just because he's messed up his brain with drugs, he gets life so easy. Essentially, he's been using the hospital as a place to stay and get fed. I HATE how I'm paying through my taxes for him to get all cracked up and still has a place to live. I HATE how so many people abuse subsidized income in this province. and end rant
He is doing well though. After xmas he took off for about 5 days to some crack house, and had to threaten suicide to get re-admitted. Since that point he has been sober, knowing that if he chooses drugs again, i will be out of his life completely. Almost did it when he took his 5 days off too. So he has almost 2 months sober.
The plan was that come March, he'd be going to short term treatment (19 days) since the waiting lists for treatment in AB are a mile and a half long. Then he would be going into a group home for the mentally disabled. Well, things didnt work out so well with the plans. He was on the waiting list for treatment, and was planning to go, but the group home fell through for afterwards. Then the social worker at the hospital tried getting him into the local YMCA, but since he had lived there previously, they had concerns about his agression, and chose not to take him.
So now everything has changed, he'll be moving on Friday into a home that one of the workers at the hospital rents out to former patients. He claims that it's a sober house, that the landlord wants no drugs whatsoever....but that means crap. Also, there goes treatment. The xab claims he will be doing the whole day treatment thing (brain fart- i can't remember the proper term).
But somehow this scares the crap out of me. Not like it used to, mind you. Rather than the 3 c's, the one i live by is "It's not my problem". Yes, i'm bitter as hell. But i know that this change of plans is not what I'm ready for. I'm not ready to have him be all independent. I want to be able to call the hospital and see if he's taken off, rather than rely on him to tell me. I guess my question would be, whats the best way to deal with your fears as they come?? How do you have faith in the addict, when they've shown some strength and willpower??