Well ser, et al -----
I guess it's time for me to put in my two cents worth.....my 'minority' opinion....lol
Yes, as many have stated....of course, you can check out alanon, but just remember.....you would be then absolutely resigning yourself to the fact that your husband IS an alcoholic.....and his being an alcoholic is a wedge in your relationship.....hmmmmmm
Let's take a wee bit closer look at something you wrote.....: "... My main complaint over the years is that he's fairly absent from our relationship, and I pretty much removed myself as well to protect myself (yes, I'm reading Codependent No More), and there's just not much relationship left..."
Regardless of his drinking habits....how much or how often...it seems more that your relationship is suffering from...........lack of connectivity.....it may have nothing to do with alcohol/alcoholism/alcoholic.
Perhaps it's time for the two of you to sit down.....and communicate (now, I'm not saying 'confronting' him....but just sit and talk ...... about your relationship, your life together. To me, and I hope I don't offend, what I see is that it's not his drinking, or even that he might be an alcoholic (there's not enough evidence to even give that a guess. He might be in the progression of alcoholism, but then again he might continue on with his alcohol consumption just as it is today....from here to eternity, with no adverse reactions.....which brings me to the crux of the problem......YOU [now, now, remember, I asked y'all plz not to take offense..... (o: ] The bottom line, as I see it is.......: like many others here have stated, you've got to do what is best for you....! He might NOT be an alcoholic, but his drinking is a problem to you. I'd just one last time like to reiterate ..... get into communication with him....but just try not to confront....nobody ( neither alcoholics nor non-alcoholics) does well with confrontation........ (o:
NoelleR