Krissy 72

I believe there are different types of alcoholics. I don’t say this to start an argument; plenty of other threads have more than covered this. I have seen and read too many posts to count about people who have started drinking in a normal, social way that spirals out of control and horribly damages their lives.

We all have problems. BUT, you can see a clear difference between people whose problems come from alcohol and those who turn to alcohol. Broken after or broken first? The chicken and the egg. I know that either way, if you drink too much, too often, you’re screwed physically, emotionally and spiritually - but the quitting, I think, is different.

I personally feel like one of those little dogs that pee on the carpet every time the doorbell rings or there’s a thunderstorm. Without ‘help’ I don’t check the mail. I look at the caller ID before I answer the phone. I can’t deal with my relatives (I’m not paranoid, they are amazingly horrible). I don’t have a problem in the social situations that so many people post about because I always control myself in front of other people - it’s myself I can’t cope sober with. In the past, if I didn’t have beer, I’d take Xanax. Or whatever did the trick of making me… less uncomfortable? In short, I was screwed up and broken long before my first drink. Oh, and support? They like me better on something (to be fair though, they don’t know the extent of the problem, and I am the queen of the perpetual buzz. I can drink all day and never get ‘drunk’).

I haven’t drank for over a month now, and physically I feel better, but it’s almost 2:00am and I can’t sleep, haven’t slept for a few weeks. I do Ok when I focus on booze as the enemy, but as soon as I have to face life again, I am just so lost.

Again, I’m not asking whether I’m an alcoholic. I know I have a problem - I guess we all do, which is why this is such a good place - but, what do you do to cope instead?

Maybe I’m just bi***ing. Lack of sleep?

Thanks for putting up with me.