Thanks for your responses guys, this really is a welcoming and intelligent forum! I agree, and I've seen that phrase before, that if it's a problem for me, it's a problem. I guess I'm not sure how to talk to him about the problem though. The part of my codependence that I'm currently stuck in is that I completely repress feelings, I don't really try to control him, because we rarely communicate about anything real. I don't have a lot of hope for the relationship, as I said there doesn't seem to be much left. But I feel like it's unfair of me to harbor these feelings and not be able to communicate any of them with him, and my therapist feels like there's nothing more she can do to help me until I'm "ready to make decisions". Blah, how does a person begin to feel strong enough to make the decisions you know you have to make? Does going to Alanon help with something like that, just finding yourself again and finding strength to move on?