Thank you all. In my head I know that I have to do what is right and healthy for me and for the kids. It is so hard when the AH says things like..."you knew what I was like when you married me. Now that I am stopping all of that (drinking, smoking, etc) you decide to leave". He also plays the guilt with the kids. I know that even if the kids don't know what AH is doing, they are impacted. They just don't know they are being impacted... never have experienced any different... I can't seem to find the courage to totally end it. I don't want to be with him any longer and I don't trust him. He has lied to me and disrespected me way too much. That all being said, I am here. WHY????