Rosie.... Im so sorry! :ghug3
I dont know if your anything like me but there have been times in my life when I knew what had to be done... when I knew I had to close a door but just could not bring myself to do it. I have learned over the years not to wait too long before taking action that I know I have to take because my God (my higher power) has a way of motivating me when I cant seem to motivate myself .... and most of the time when he does it for me it large enough that I have no choice but to make the change.... and no time to do it at my pace.
Maybe he is just doing for you what you needed to have done. One thing for sure is though its really scarry.... you will soon feel better for having taken some action.
Hope your Monday brings you at least some peace. Im sorry it came to this.