Doing my step one....
Hiya everyone, well first and formost just wanna say love this site- things like this particular archive of threads are so helpful for me in my recovery. Secondly i would like to ask for some advice/suggestions. I am curretly doing my step 1. I know i am powerless over alcohol and my lifes unmanagable. I have written down reasons for this- and many other things too (such as how i risked my life/ others through drinking). I can accept i am an alcoholic. But one little thing is sorta holding me back from completing this step. It's the fact that i have trouble with accepting i have a disease of the mind too- that when i want to drink, or my thoughts go a wondering down that path....it's my disease trying talking to me.
I believe its true for others and can see how it must be for me too - as i often swore off drink- but would always find a reason to again and conveniantly forget all the mess it caused. Sometimes i cannot even say say why i did- i just did.
I think it must be my pride- like the whole ego thing, me thinking "oh im not thaaat bad". It's silly when i think about it but its where im at. I just need to get past it- i've been asking my H.P for guidance with this and my sponser said i need to keep looking for identification at mtngs so i can see that i do have the mental obsessiona -and it's an illness in me. I can accept it's an illness- i can accept i am an alcoholic but i am having trouble accepting those things together for me!? It's confusing....! Anyone else struggled with this? Or have any suggestions? All will be aprreciated. Thanks.