(((Imallright)))
Welcome. You're absolutely right, you are not alone and have plenty of good company to help you on you journey, whatever that may be. Keep on reading here, get some books (i.e. Codependent No More), post, continue your own counseling, think about finding an alanon or naranon group for face to face meetings, all these things will help.
I know well, the statement of "I can handle _____", it doesn't change me! I then started asking him why he was physiologically different than most every other human being on the planet that 4 strong alcoholic drinks didn't make him drunk, but anyone else is? Why would I try to have a rational conversation about this with an addict - or anyone else who would make this type of comment? I have no idea - what a mistake. My AH is swearing up and down to everyone he is not using - PLEASE. Besides what are now obvious signs to me, I've seen the invoices (mine has a pain-killer addiction and orders online for one or two of his sources). They are very very good at manipulation and lying!
You might be surprised at your children's reaction. As MrsFox said above - you might get "mean and evil" if it upsets them, but then again the they might be relieved that you are finally going to do something about it to help them. You just don't know, don't anticipate that they will or won't react badly, just focus on doing what you feel is best for you and them and just proceed. One step at a time, it doesn't all need to be decided or figured out right now! Be good to yourself!