Wow
Am so overwhelmed to see the number of people who are dealing with similar issues. I am trying desperately to help myself and my children. My AH of 20+ years thinks he is "fine"... just smokes a "little weed" to help him relax. Has hidden this and lied about it over the years. Started drinking first... got in a boat load of trouble and then switched to weed. Somehow, that's "not as bad". Has really caused him to be unavailable emotionally. I didn't really know what I was dealing w/ and just thought he was moody. Honestly, didn't know he was using. Found out.. but stayed. Two kids. Not good for them to see. He thinks he's not doing anything wrong and that if he stops... says he will... again... that everything will be ok, because nothing is different in his personality when he uses, he has no problems, it's just that I don't like it. Does he really not see the way it causes him to behave?
I've been in counseling a couple times. Am in counseling now. Helping, but I can't seem to gather the strength to do what is right for me. Not sure why. BUT, by reading these posts, am beginning to think that I am not alone and that my reaction is pretty common. He is really laying the guilty on me thick. Says he has stopped and that he loves me. Trying to tell me that what I am doing is bad for the kids. We did go to marriage counseling, but he was unwilling to deal with his addiction and basically, the counselor told us there was not point in continuing. I continued my counseling, but of course, since he didn't have a problem and he could handle it himself... he didn't need to.
I really need support and to hear from others who are dealing with this. We have been together a long time. I have not shared with the issue is with my friends and family... so it hard to get the support I need from the. My kids think I am "evil and mean" to their Dad... they have not pieced together why I don't want to be involved and why Dad acts the way he does. I don't want to turn the kids against him... just want this chaos to stop!!!! Help me!