I know just what you are going through, and myself...I have NEVER bailed my son out of jail, and he's been there quite a few times. I remember the first time he was in there, he called me collect and said "you're gonna have to come bail me out" - what a joke. We have internet phone service now so he CAN'T call me, and it's the best move I ever made, I don't need the drama (son is back in jail again as we speak). He can write me a letter if he wants.
((hugs)) to you and your family...