Wow, serentityqueen, that post definetly speaks to me.
I have just realized after a binge that I am not at all in love with my "boyfriend" - I was in the love with the party and chaos that came with him and that he would not hassle me at all if I made the decision to spend my check on crack instead of bills. And no lie I was in love the physical relationship.
Everytime I would say I was going to stop using he would become distant, Im realizing now it's because I'm not spending money on crack at those times. As soon as I start up again he's crazy about me.
What a blind sucker I have been.