Thank you, all, for being so caring.
You'll be happy to know that I felt very enabled by your comments, and last night I presented an option to my bf: either stop doing coke, and keep off it, or lose me.
He, happily, chose me! I am aware that I cannot impose my will upon him, and that I cannot make him change, as has been pointed out, but i believe that a person can be inspired by another to change themselves.
Last night, he told me that he doesn't really enjoy doing coke, and that he is stuck in a social behavior that he doesn't really enjoy. I believe this, as I have never seen him do cocaine outside of the social situation that has enabled the drug. I can understand this, as I went through the same feelings before quitting smoking, which is really a very similar sort of social drug. I can understand how a person can incessantly continue to poison themselves just to be part of the social club.
We have also come up with a partial action plan to keep him off the coke. Part of the problem is that he likes the way that coke makes him more sociable and active when playing a show (he is in a band), so instead, he is going to have energy drinks. He will also outright refuse to buy or consume coke, and will stay the hell away from it, and he is aware that if he doesn't do this, I'm out of here.
I have made it clear - this is his only chance to stay clean, and show some respect for himself and me. I have given the ultimatum - stay clean or I'm gone. If he doesn't stay clean, I am going to move into a spare bedroom in my parent's house, and never speak to him again.
We are going to go to counseling, which will be helpful not only for us as a couple, and him as an addict, but it will help me because of my own addictions and PTSD. We have easy access to free counseling through my college.
We're going to work on his problem with pot as well, though with this we are taking a slower approach. I should mention, my bf's habit of sitting on the couch and smoking pot (almost mindlessly) is mirrored by my habit of sitting on the couch and eating incessantly. We've decided to recognize this as a transference of addictions, and we are going to work together to help each other stop these activities.
But the most important parts of this are: he has acknowledged that he has a problem, and has agreed to counseling.
thank you to the people who responded here, you helped me be firm in my resolve, and not back down on my ultimatum. I know that if he does not follow through on his word, I will have to leave him. Hopefully, it does not come down to this, but if it does, I know I have a place of support
.