My Ego really really wants to take credit for not drinking yesterday (in fact, another whole day where the thought of taking a drink did not cross my mind)...but when I meditate and settle for the night.
I know who gets the credit.
This is not about hiding from personal responsibility, it's about living aligned with the will of a power that is ANYTHING other than my alcoholic mind.
Come to think of it, I have created very little wreckage in recent months. What do I have to be accountable for? Being a better boyfriend, employee, AA member, tax-payer, son, brother?
No longer on my tip-toes, held in the palm of the hand of something I don't or probably never will understand. I am ok with the path that was laid out before me in AA that clearly said that I have lost choice in regard to alcohol - that Ego can take a back seat - I see him and hear him, but his power has been diminished.
There is a part of me that, in two weeks (God willing I will have 1 full year in two weeks) to take a cake, get up and tell a group (mine doesnt do cakes so I would have to go to some other group to get one) how 'I' haven't drank, how I chose the right path, all the great things that I have done and have happened to ME. Chances are, I won't be taking any cake or having anyone sing and clap to me because I haven't drank for a year - and to get up there and thank God just belittle's the true miracle that has taken place.
I will give the 5 minutes that my homegroup gives birthday's at the end of each month, nothing more. I have enough year coins to just as soon not take any more.
Ekchart Tolle puts it well - some people's Ego actually grows when they begin meditating and attempting to be present. They missed the whole point and it's still the ego driving the show under a different guise (now I am not creating wreckage, I am choosing to be better)...that is still "I I I I, ME ME ME ME" - just a different angle. Not the fourth dimension of which we could have never dreamed.
There is a difference.
This is not about mastering choice, or just making better choices these days becuase I learned something new.
That is nothing but word-play.