WantsOut (or 'WantsIn' sounds more like it right now): You probably didn't intend for your post to be especially funny, but the Barack dream just had me laughing out loud.
!
Your situation sounds very familiar, despite the fact that I'm still in my house with my AH. Divorce will be final in about a month, then he'll be taking his share of the equity and finding his own place. I'm already feeling similar stuff to what you posted, and so is he from what he tells me. We're both in our 40's and this will be the second divorce for each of us. It's a lazy Sunday, and we'd normally be planning to see whatever Oscar-Best-Picture movie we hadn't yet seen. He mentioned it this morning, but I already made plans to see "Juno" later with my sister. He looked sad, and I'd actually rather go with him, but we're getting divorced so I need to act like it and stop making excuses to enable him.
I think I must've been very adept at denial regarding the "old times". The ones (and there were many) where things were calm, comfy, and alcohol wasn't spoiling the scene. I remember them now in a skewed way when I get sad and wistful, but if I allow myself to really THINK - - to really recall the context of all those years, I realize I'm leaving out that constant undercurrent of doubt/dread/anxiety/potential instability/whatever. The alcoholism. It was always there and I hated it; like the feeling of my house resting on a foundation of sand. But it's so easy to take that piece out and just focus on a dreamy version of the "old times".
For what it's worth, I'm feeling you. I, for one, don't intend to leave out of this life without experiencing that ridiculously chewy goodness of falling in love (or lust) with someone at least
one more time before it's all over. I keep telling myself I'm
only 46, right?