MrsFox

I am new to this website but can not express to you how happy I am hat I have found this place. I feel like there are people out there who can understand 100% how I feel and what I go through everyday. I have a alcoholic mother. She has been drinking my entire life and before that, so I would say at least 40 yrs. I am a married mother of three great children. Recently I have come to the end of my rope with her and am not sure what to do. Her health is going downhill and I am afraid if I stop communication with her I will regret it later, but if I keep her in my life I am stressed out all the time. Wondering every time the phone rings if it'll be "one of those days". I am jealous when I see other women out with there mothers and they appear normal. I have longed for that. Now having a two sons and a daughter of my own I know what I have to do. I pride myself on being the best mother I can be. My father was also an alcoholic but had stopped drinking, and was sober for about 7 yrs before he passed away. So I wonder how do I deal. I cry all the time, my children are getting to a point where they see "different nana". How do you explain to a 6 yr old why his grandma won't be at his birthday party? I am so sick of making excuses for her. I feel embarrassed and ashamed of her. For a long time I would get so mad when she would drink, and one day it dawned on me...its "sober mom" that takes that first drink. So now here I sit with all of these emotions and after 27 yrs of my life I still dont know what to do. I thank you to all that have listened to me ramble and for all the advice in advance.