Originally Posted by
Soconfused11 
...I don't know what will happen now, more than likely my "punishment" for "kicking him out" will be he will disappear for several days, then call and give the act that he is done with me, it's a game, and we both play it.
I guess when he calls (and he will call), I will just apologize for the way I acted, own up to why I acted that way. None of which will matter much to him anyway, he will see it as a betrayal, and will take my apology as a way to control me anyway. It would be nice for him to respond to my apology by saying, "you know what, I haven't earned your trust and will try harder on that also", but he won't. I've come to know not to expect anything like that as I will only get let down.
Don't allow yourself to feel guilt or allow him to lay blame, these are unhealthy responses. I don't feel it is about ''apologising'', more that you are admitting to a lapse in judgement, which we all do from time to time, even none codies! Admitting this, you are progressing in your recovery by coming to realisations about yourself. Whether he decides to support you or use it as a tool against you is up to him, but that is out of your hands. He may well decide to use this new information as a weapon against you (my abf often is supportive, but at a later date will throw it back in my face) but this is him trying to manipulate and control you. At that point, I have found it beneficial to detach, and keep calm, not to fall into an arguement or hurt feelings and realise this is him ''falling apart'' and using whatever he can to win his arguement. I often then just say things like ''I see you are out of logical responses and resorting to insults and bully tactics'', then walk away.
Good luck to you
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx