Originally Posted by
Buffalo66 
I know he is almost always trying to break me down-He still drinks, often turns verbally mean, wakes up, forgets he did it.
-He occassionally "cant make it home"...the boy wonders where is dad.
-My 3 year old starts to feel sort of distant, does a mommy favoritism thing, to which daddy takes OFFENSE( real mature, i know)
-He starts to become mad about how 3 year old is distant, stops playing with him..etc
-One day, I ask why is it that you stopped playing with the boy?
- He says the boy is acting distant. I say, ask yourself why? Maybe you should reach into his world, as you ARE the Adult...
- He says "I know why he is distant. It is because of how badly you treat me. He has learned to disrespect me from you. You are trying to turn him against me.Or he is just learning to resent me, because you resent me so much."
-I say, " is it maybe because he is adjusting to you? He is testing the waters. You are here, and then for 4 days just ARE NOT? Is he trying to learn who you are? Is he wondering why you cannot move in the mornings. Is he wondering why you played with him everyday for a month and then just STOPPED one day, because he had a fever and preferred mommy?"
- He says, " no, its you.".
Buffalo66, I can relate so much to the above. I certainly can't explain, but I sure can relate.
My AH wonders why the kids always want their "mommy". Well, if you are always under the influence when you are around the kids, you may think that just being there is enough, but it's not. You actually have to interact with children, not just yell at them to get in bed.
When my AH is not drinking, he interacts with our children, and they in turn show him more love, affection. My AH has "cut back" on drinking, and has noticed that the kids are actually asking for him, rather than Mom. He thinks that I "told" them to do this. I've tried to show him that it is a direct result of him not being under the influence, and paying more attention to the kids.
He says "well it's not like I'm being mean to the kids". True, he's not being "mean", he's not being "anything" to the kids.
Kids are smart. It's pretty simple. Give them attention, love, affection, and you'll get it in return.
My AH takes "offense" when the kids want mommy instead of him. Who is the adult here? I, on the otherhand, feel great joy when he is not UTI and interacting with the kids, and when they want "daddy" rather than me. I don't get offended, I encourage it.
Why do the A's act like children?
Anyhow, just wanted to let you know that I can relate, and that you are not alone in your situation.
Take care of yourself,
Shivaya