Buffalo66
It's very hard to be the mother of an alcoholic. My son is also the A in my life. He is 26 years old. When he was in recovery and going to AA, I saw a glimpse of the man that he could be. Kind, caring, and wonderful.
He is now in relapse and all of the hateful mean behaviors have returned. It breaks my heart. In order to protect my own sanity, I have distanced myself from him. His world is currently in shambles and it hurts me to know that he is hurting but I know that I have to let him feel the pain. When I do talk to him, I make it very clear that I will only talk to him as long as he is reasonable. As soon as he begins to go into the blame game and cursing, the conversation is over. If I'm with him in person, I walk away. If I'm on the phone I tell him that he is being irrational and I'm hanging up...and I do.
The irrational talk is a way to engage you in the disease. Arguing with him makes no sense. It makes us just as crazy as they are. When my son starts quack quack quacking.......I say to myself "You cannot argue with a disease and this is the disease talking." It makes me feel better because I don't feel like I'm walking away from HIM, I'm walking away from his distructive behavior.
I love my son. I'm sure that you do too. I also raised my son alone for the first 3 years of his life. There was a special bond between us. That bond grew into a monster. My always wanting to make sure everything was alright for him. Protecting him from the pain of life. He turned to drugs and alcohol. And we became a storm of disfunctional behaviors.
Good luck. Mothers of A children unite.
gentle hugs