I can understand where you are, J, I'm married to my RAH four years and I cant say its been easy. I too tend to give way and placate for the sake of peace, and when he says jump I say how high? Recently I've tried changing this - not all the time cos some times I just dont feel strong enough to hold my ground, but when I do I feel good and actually like him again.
Sometimes I have thoughts about how uncomplicated my life would be if he weren't in it - just me and my dog. i wonder if I still love him, I honestly cant tell you. I think I do. I know when he's being pain in the behind, bossy and demanding, I actively dislike him and wish he'd go out. I'm realilizing that even at my age, i know damn all about how relationships work, and certainly when I got married I had no clue being married to an RAH would be a roller coaster of moods, crises, and never knowing what any day can bring. Sometimes I'm just tired of it all and want to be on my own again, but I don't know if those feelings are real or the product of the moment.