Buffalo66

Anyone else experience this in your life with the As?

Mine is king of kindness. Very sweet and tolerant. OF EVERYONE BUT ME.

He dated a girl for a year who is clearly not perfect, but he has empathy, love, understanding for her. Even in similar circumstances, he will speak of her with reverance, but me in the same situation? I am a faulted, weak, terrible person.

I know he is almost always trying to break me down so the contrast between how we choose to live does not overwhelm him, so that he does not succomb to seeing what he has done, what he has created and what he has destroyed... But, man... does it SUCK!!

I am so tired of taking the blame. He is so powerful in his assertions.. It can become hard to not believe the reality he is selling. I raised our son from birth to three years ALONE. I did it all the best way possible. I hear from his family and mine how great of a job Ive done as a mother. And now he is here, and he is still actively drinking, and he is so in need of me to be at fault, he will say anything.

Just wondering if anyone else is the eternal bad guy...in a world of bizarro. Like; How can I be being attacked in this way? From THIS person??? How is this fair? How can this person believe this ridiculous line of reasoning?

Just in case this seems too cryptic, here is an example;

-I raise the kid alone,3 years emotionally, financially. He cheats lies, deceives...
-I decide to work on parenting together, WITH him, he moves in..trial basis( Why? another story, for another day)
-He still drinks, often turns verbally mean, wakes up, forgets he did it.
-He occassionally "cant make it home"...the boy wonders where is dad.
-My 3 year old starts to feel sort of distant, does a mommy favoritism thing, to which daddy takes OFFENSE( real mature, i know)
-He starts to become mad about how 3 year old is distant, stops playing with him..etc
-One day, I ask why is it that you stopped playing with the boy?
- He says the boy is acting distant. I say, ask yourself why? Maybe you should reach into his world, as you ARE the Adult...
- He says "I know why he is distant. It is because of how badly you treat me. He has learned to disrespect me from you. You are trying to turn him against me.Or he is just learning to resent me, because you resent me so much."
-I say, " is it maybe because he is adjusting to you? He is testing the waters. You are here, and then for 4 days just ARE NOT? Is he trying to learn who you are? Is he wondering why you cannot move in the mornings. Is he wondering why you played with him everyday for a month and then just STOPPED one day, because he had a fever and preferred mommy?"
- He says, " no, its you."

My life is so messed up. I will explain the reasoning for how I came to be living with him again another day. I just dont seem to ever have the fortitude to even revisit it all right now..