Addicted to SR
Well i am just over 6 months now and life is a thousand times better. I am very happy with my progress which has been mostly steady. I have been able to control my thinking before my thinking starts to control my feelings, more positive and recognizing self defeating thoughts before they lead to action. Using thoughts are down to only a couple times a day and i quickly dismiss them or turn those thoughts into what it did "to" me, instead of what it did "for" me. I could go on and on how much better things are in every way. I am so grateful, for a long long time i thought i would never be happy again. But.............
I have kinda plateaued and i am coming of my recovery high, kinda feel like "OK now what". I have noticed some recent behavior realizing i have much work to do. I work, i come home, i sit in front of the computer for hours on end. Mostly right here on SR. I click new posts over and over, post a little here and there and then am all insecure about what i posted, was it the right thing to say, how was it received. My fellow addicts happiness in my main concern but i think my posts have little to offer(pity alert) I find myself thinking about it the next day, exhausted because i was up clicking new posts till 2 in the morning. Ridiculous. Then i get home and do it all again checking my posts from the night before. I am not getting stuff done that i should and on the odd occasion even skipping food or a shower.
As well there is so much pain that floods into a forum like this and it hurts my heart but i know the there is a lot of healing and hope as well. I very thankful for SR and all of you but I definitely need to limit my time here i think.
I am open to any thoughts you may have, thank you