karmakoma

Whether he does or he doesn't, are you OK that he acts like he is your teacher, almost giving you marks out of 10 in categories that he has decided measure your worth?

As far as boundaries are concerned, I know that it is quite tricky to understand the concept at first, but it does become easier with practice. And I had to start really small to "get it".

Boundaries are a method of controlling for myself what I am exposed to in my life. They are not a method of controlling other people, though, or changing their behaviour. They are simply a tool to minimise any toxic input into my life.

In order for boundaries to be effective, they need to be expressed in the form of "I" and they need to have an attendent consequence. So, "My husband will not drink around my children" is not a boundary. "I will not allow my children to be around my husband when he is drinking. If he is drinking, I shall remove myself and the children from the home for the day/week/month etc" is a boundary. Does that make sense? If not, I think there are some sticky posts at the top of the forum that might help.

Boundaries come into play in all sorts of ways and don't even have to involve other people. "I will not eat battery farmed chicken. If I cannot verify the source, I will not eat it."

BTW, boundaries are vitally important if you are raising kids. They need boundaries and are wont to kick until they find them. I urge you to seek out some books like those by Cloud and Townsend or Anne Katherine - both give some really clear info on them. And I have found that alcoholics are very much like kids in that they will push and push until they find resistance. Probably better to have that resistance a little closer than a situation where it becomes a total dealbreaker (if problem drinking is not already it.)