Originally Posted by
NYC_Chick 
They are good to set, but I shouldn't threaten him with any action (leaving) unless I am ready to follow through with that
Oh, and this is not just them trying to be "honest" about their feelings. It is them trying to hurt you as much as they hurt inside.
" tell him that he can't "own" you (in other words, tell you how YOU feel" and that the reason you are placing this boundary on him is exactly how you stated, to protect your children.
They are some of the same complaints you had written about in previous posts.
Each story seems to be the same regardless of location, marital status or parental status. Alcoholism is a bigger beast than I once thought, and one I have come to realize I didn't know as much as I thought I did about.
Thanks NYC Chick...yes, I am absolutely ready to follow through with a legal separation if I ever find him passed out/blacked out in our home again. I've put up with this for way too many years, and I will not tolerate it any more.
The "trying to be "honest" with his feelings" part, my AH, now that I've given him an "ultimatum" as he calls it, has finally started sharing his feelings with me (all of them negative!). He says he has been holding all these in for so many years, and drinking to keep them in. But now they are coming out, and he even says that I am "forcing" him to get them out. Wow! I new I had power but I didn't know I could force him to get his feelings out.
And I can relate to the "owning" part. My AH always tells me how I feel (always something negative towards him). But I always stand up for myself and tell him I am the only person that can say how I feel....
LaTeeDa, thank you for your insight. I do understand that boundaries are for the things that I am willing to accept/not accept, and that they are not meant to change any behaviors.
Denny57, I think you are becoming my hero. No kidding. You are right. Good advice. I should take out the "he" and replace them with "me". So here we go.....I will not tolerate my husband being under the influence around our children. Period. End of story.
Again, thank you all so much for your thoughts. I would be really lost if I'd never found this forum.
Shivaya