I'm really sorry for your pain. I can relate to some of the horrible things he is saying to you because they have been said to me. Here is what my therapist told me about setting boundaries...
They are good to set, but I shouldn't threaten him with any action (leaving) unless I am ready to follow through with that (I wasn't then, but I finally did)
If you are spoken to in an emotionally abusive way (I think telling you he doesn't want to touch you and he doesn't feel anything when he does is abusive) then you should tell him that what he is saying to you is hurtful and not acceptable any longer. I told this to my xabf. He didn't like it, but I told him that if he spoke to me that way that I would walk away until he figured out how to talk to me in a respectful manner. Oh, and this is not just them trying to be "honest" about their feelings. It is them trying to hurt you as much as they hurt inside. I would be willing to bet he is repulsed by himself and just projecting that on you. Kind of a misery loves company scenario.
If he tells you that he knows you feel this way or that way, for example: "You're telling me I can't drink/use around the kids because you are angry that you can't control me," tell him that he can't "own" you (in other words, tell you how YOU feel" and that the reason you are placing this boundary on him is exactly how you stated, to protect your children. My xabf didn't like it either, but a few months of pointing out that he couldn't "own" me sank in and he stopped until I realized there was no end to his lying and left.
One more thing about your post. My xabf has been in therapy for a couple of years. I believe that the therapy is what got him to the point of admitting that he had a problem to begin with. Nevertheless, they often use therapy to "get to the heart of the real problem." It's a cop out. Mine tells me the real problem now is not the alcohol, but the years of depression that led him to drink, so he's focusing on the depression and not the alcoholism. I don't know what his therapist has told him, but he seems to be going along with it. Also, we went to couples therapy. No matter what I did, it was never enough for him. When I finally left, I realized a lot of the stuff he was bringing up as a "problem" in therapy was all a result of the insanity he created. There was a lot of manipulation even in the therapist's office. While it helped in some respects, I wonder how much it would have helped if he wasn't an active alcoholic and was capable of seeing the craziness of some of his complaints about me. They are some of the same complaints you had written about in previous posts.
Hope this helps. The more I read the more I feel I could just insert my xabf's name in many of these posts. Each story seems to be the same regardless of location, marital status or parental status. Alcoholism is a bigger beast than I once thought, and one I have come to realize I didn't know as much as I thought I did about.