Shivaya

A little background....my AH and I are trying to work on our problems. He has gone to one counseling appt., and says that he needs to go back. Good. I go to Alanon regularly, read the ODAT, and see a therapist regularly.

He continues to drink.

I have never set boundaries in our relationship (at least none that I have stuck with), and I think now is the time to do it, and mean it.

These are the boundaries I'd like to set.

- I feel my AH should not be under the influence when he is around the kids, especially if he is the only adult in charge (if I'm not home).
- Passing out, blacking out are unacceptable. I will file for a legal separation if this ever happens again.

Now, I know that he is no where near ready to quit his drinking, and I know I can't move him along in this. So, I accept the fact that he will continue drinking, and he has cut back/changed what he drinks. I realize this is not the solution, but for now, it is for us.

So my question is, how do I approach in letting him know my boundaries? Do I write them down, or verbalize them? And the wording? Do I say "I don't want you to be under the influence...." or "Being under the influence is unacceptable..."

I can't imagine that he'll be real happy about this no matter how I word it, but oh well.

Oh, and I also want to ask him to stop telling me things about me that he does not like, and does not feel. It's perplexing to me that the only thing I've said that bothers me about him, is his drinking (although there are many other things that go along with it).

He even said to me that he does not want to sleep in the same bed as me b/c he can't stand it if my toe even touches him. Also, says he does not want to give me a hug b/c he does not feel anything when he hugs me.

These type of comments are hurtful and I think I should stand up for myself and say "enough".

What a mess......

Thanks for any comments/suggestions.

Shivaya