Oh Melissa, I feel sick reading your post. I am so sorry you have to feel such agony. I want you to know that we are here for you...and that you are never alone.
I wish so much that I could say something to make you feel better, but I cannot. Just please, if anything, trust in the knowledge that you WILL ABSOLUTELY get through this, you will become a stronger, wiser person from this, and know that simply by having the strength to type the few words that you did above, you have empowered others with a strength that they would otherwise have not had if they had not read your words...from great struggle comes great strength...