Hey GL (& Hi Mike!)
I've decided to wear clothes to school that I could possibly work out in.
Great idea, GL! I have spent the $15 for the semester to have a locker near the small workout place in the student union so I also can't use the excuse of "I'm not dressed for it." I hope it works! Let me know what you find!
For me, I haven't been that specific; I'm just trying to breathe some days. Well actually I guess I've taken on trying to re-direct my anguish. (Ok, so that doesn't say anything...) Try again:
Here's what I did yesterday: over the past few days, myH & I have been trying to work together to find a solution to some of our financial challenges - this one dealt with our house mortgage. I was communicating with a person via phone, and it seemed like a good deal being put together. When the paperwork came through yesterday, though, both myH & I were not so sure anymore - the old "if it seems to good to be true, it just might be" feeling. In an uncharacteristic move, myH decided to read the paperwork closely and he took on talking to a friend who's an expert about the questions. In the end, we decided to not follow up on the deal - just too many uncertainties. When I thought of having to talk to the person who I had been dealing with, though, I just knew that I was feeling very vulnerable and might buckle if that person spoke at all convincingly - as my dad said, con men usually are really nice people!. I started to tear up at the thought that I would fail at the task of telling this person we weren't interested - not that my work in the whole thing was a failure, but that I might fail to stand my ground - which, of course, I "should" be able to do anytime :chatter. So when myH offered to call the person, I said please do and myH did. At the time, I felt horrible - one more failure I thought.
Later last evening, though, I thought about it, and I found myself realizing that I wasn't failing as much as recognizing that I needed to set a boundary - that I recognized I wasn't strong enough inside to stand my ground and so needed to ask for help (in a very uncodie move!). In fact, the whole interaction between myH and me was uncharacteristic, since I didn't say I could fix everything and he was willing to take on a confrontation. And so I recast my "failure" into a success - by realizing that I could let myH take on the task - which he didn't mind doing - and I wasn't the less for it.
Long story, but that's one small thing. I've been trying, since, to reconsider what I have been feeling this week were failures and try to see how to replace that label with "successes." I've gotten through a few.
It helps a great deal that the sun is out (even if the temps are around 0).
Thanks for the gentle nudge, GL. I am feeling better the more I write this out.
UM