Thanks Shivaya for your comments. I think with me it is just hurtful feelings coming out. I keep on thinking of how it would have been if he would have told me about this schooling when we were together. OMG i think that I would have attacked him and started kissing him like crazy and probably cried out of pure excitement. Instead i found myself so upset that he could not have made that move before and I found myself walking out of the house and just crying yesterday.
Before I left though yesterday I looked at him and told him that I hated him. I don't hate him, in reality I still love him but my wounds right now are not fully healed.
I felt bad for saying that last night and so this morning I apologized for saying that but just explained how I felt. I said that sometimes I am ok with all of this and other times I am just still so down in the dumps about it.
He told me that even though he does not wear his emotions on his sleeve like I do deep down he is really really hurting inside. He said hurting because of what he has done to us and scared because he knows that in the next 2 months the door to our lives are going to close. He said that he was sorry for throwing the whole emt/paramedic thing in my face and that he doesn't even know if he will be able to do it. He said that he is going to try really hard but it seems as everything that he tries to do in his life gets messed up and yes it does. I just wish that he could realize that it is the alcohol messing it up.
For now I am ok....just the feelings are very raw right now. I still feel like I am getting better but I have my moments and yesterday was one of them.
As for my promotion I will be making so much more money and it has eased my mind as far as my financial situation. Thank God for that because I don't know what I would have done. I am sooo happy that this happened to me at this time.