Tib I really care about you, you are so much like I was before I got into AA, I fought everything, I was frustrated, angry, and plain fed up with life and people suggesting I try different ways of living it!!!
Not sure how or why you got into AA and it really does not matter, when I got into AA it was because alcohol had totally kicked my arse and I knew for a surety that I had no idea how to stay stopped. I was more then willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober. I am sure if I had found AA 10 years before I would have been fighting it tooth and nail and relapsing over and over again, heck I might have still been fighting it.
Please do not take this the wrong way, but I hope you have found your bottom, it was so much easier for me I guess because when I came into the rooms I was totally lost, I just had no idea how to stay stopped, but I knew death was going to be the next stop on the train if I did not stop.
Tib I found the final surrender to be the easiest way, the softer way...... once I quit fighting it and accepted the guidance/suggestions of others life got better. I was no longer thinking "What the hell does that jerk know, I can do this my way." I followed suggestions even when I did not like them, slowly as I followed those suggestions I began to realize that "Hey, I guess that jerk knew what he was talking about."
I know I have been kind of hard on you about the honesty thing, but it was all in love brother.... all in love.
(BTW I can tell by your new sig you are heading in the right direction.)