Tib, this can be a real good starting place for you. As you may recall, I had 7 years of sobriety "my way" before relapse. I did not realize I was miserable. It was very confusing. After all, just being sober I was able to acquire things I had not been able to acquire before. Things like good job, house, good relationship. It just didn't make any sense. Why was I not happy. The simple answer I know now is because I wasn't changing. I was operating on old ideas and old thinking. And eventually, it got me drunk. Relapse is not a part of recovery. It does happen. And for those of us that survive it, it can be a powerful lesson. It can, if you want it to, lead to a willingness to submit to a way of life other than your own. I hope you do consider sponsorship. And then let him do your thinking for you for awhile. I am a chronic relapser and it worked for me. My sponsor got me into the steps quickly. I have done what he has told me to do without hesitation, and he has never lied to me. I have been taken to a place where I belong in this world, I belong to God, and I belong to you. That happened at 4,5,6,&7 and from that day to this day that has not changed. At 8 & 9 I began to get free, but there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. These are the gifts I have received from following directions. I can't help but think, who can't get excited over this??? I mean think about it, these are gifts beyond belief. And it can and will happen for you if you are willing. 11 months from starting over and I have now been instructed to raise my hand for sponsorship. I did not know what this was all going to look like when I started over last year. Any preconceived notions I had were all wrong, every one of them. It started with willingness.