I wouldn't have chosen the life of being married to an addict either. But it found me, and of course, I have to decide what kind of life I want and what I can put up with, but in the meantime I'm trying to take one day at a time. Sometimes I think it really will kill me along with my AH, but going to Al-Anon is really helpful, and I'm blessed to have some really supportive friends in my life.
Sending you warm thoughts...