Step 4 had a reputation for being difficult and painful, or so I thought. When I actually worked it, I found it that although it took me to places emotionally that I had not visited in a very long time, it was very freeing to expose them and deal with them and move past them. It was like a very thorough housecleaning that left me feeling renewed when I was finished.
I worked my Step 4 the first time, guided by my sponsor. She had working papers for me to use and that helped me, but I cannot recall where they were from. She also had me just write, going back through my life and identifying incidents. no matter how small, that had affected me and then analyze what happened and why and how I was affected.
Some of the things I remembered had been buried a very long time, yet were incidents that had had a profound affect on me. To "call them out" and say it out loud (well, through writing), brought some surprises for me, but again, also freed me of the pain of the past.
I have worked this step several times since, although it has never been as big a job as it was the first time (like housecleaning again), because it keeps my soul free and prevents me from accumulating new garbage. Like any inventory, it also is a good thing for me to affirm the good characteristics about me and keep it all balanced.
Today I use Melody Beattie's Codependent Guide to the 12 Steps as a guideline and find it helpful.
If I could offer any suggestions to anyone beginning this step, it would be to work it with a sponsor or the help of someone who had already worked it themselves and had some strong recovery. It's an important step, the first one that required lots of work and deep inner examination and doesn't have to be painful. Taking lots of time for this step helped me stay balanced as I did it.
Again, Cats, great thread and something that I hope will help those who have got as far as Step 4 and then got "stuck".
Hugs