Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
Wow. This was a huge step for me. And in my experience I can tell you this: if you haven't really worked steps 1,2 and 3, Step 4 will kick your butt. I have mentioned before that I really just dabbled with recovery for the first few years. I went to meetings, listened to what they had to say, read over the steps and decided I understood them and could do them fairly easily by myself. I just wanted my life to improve and for HIM to stop doing all the crazy stuff he was doing!
Step 4 was big and huge and scary and daunting. I procrastinated on this step more than I have ever done anything else in my entire life. First I read a bit about it... then I asked a few people how they had done it. Then I started, and it was just too overwhelming so I put it away. I rationalized my way out of it by saying I was too worried to put anything on paper as HE might find it and use it against me. (a realistic fear as he had already done this with my journals).
I slammed into that proverbial wall of shame, denial and fear, and I crawled into a safe mental place. And I stayed there for awhile. Only after my life crumbled all around me again did I crawl back into the rooms of Al Anon ~~ again. I knew where to go. And this time I knew what I needed to do. I started over at Step 1 and didn't move on to Step 2 until I had at least answered most of the questions (the ones that are posted in the Step 1 Step Study). There is no time table... no rush, no final exam. You work it how you work it.
Then I did the same for Steps 2 and 3. I got a sponsor, and I committed myself to getting better. It is my opinion that Step 4 is best worked with a sponsor. He or she can share his/her experience, strength and hope, and can hold your hand thru the scary parts.
This is a big step. I'll post more about the process after others have shared their experiences.