Welcome to SR, Enough.
You certainly are on the right path by coming here. It was here that I faced my problem drinking, like many others, and found the willingness to change. It sounds like you are ready and willing to make some changes in your life.
Being an alcoholic isn't the end of the world. For me, when I realized it, I was devastated. I felt utter defeat. Once I got over the hurdle of quitting, and got into AA, I found that my greatest weakness (addiction to alcohol) had become a catalyst for a deep and profound change in my life. In sobriety, I'm becoming the person I was meant to be. If I wasn't an alcoholic, I wouldn't have the life I have now... and it's pretty good.
What I'm trying to tell you is that recovery is possible, and can actually be enjoyable. There are other programs available besides AA, but I can only comment on my experience in AA. I have wonderful friends, a new hope and a new freedom. Life isn't always a bed of roses, but my worst day sober is better than my best day drunk. It's good to go to bed at night and realize that I faced my day without being lashed by the whip of alcohol. It's great to wake up fresh and without a hangover the next day.
The other thing I want to say is that you are not alone. Many of us have struggled and felt some of the same things that you must feel. This website helps many of us, and we are here to help you. I hope you'll stick with us, and find a recovery option that works for you.
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