Mel, my story is similar as far as periods of sobriety and wondering whether my AH is drinking or not. It's maddening and consumes you until it's just about all you think about. It has been helpful for me to do things like what you are planning to do. For me, that meant fixing my will so he wouldn't have control of the $$ if I died, setting up a solo bank acct and credit and some other things, just kind of paving the way for a separation if it should become necessary (and I guess it did since I'm by myself for now). That thing about not going back once you set a boundary is so important and so tough to stick to! But you really are hurting her if you set a boundary and then waffle on it. I found this out the hard way! I just wish all the best for you - man, it's tough, but we will all get through it, somehow, some way.